Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Let the past be the past....

I have been thinking so much lately about my journey to where I am now. I have never been happier in my life, and never been as thankful as I am lately. I have never been more proud to be me, and that includes being proud of my past. I feel like I have grown up so much in the last couple of years. My relationship with my husband has never been better, I have never been a more dedicated mother. I have finally learned to let go of toxic relationships, physically and mentally. I have learned that even though it is hard, at first, to get rid of these toxic relationships, it is so worth it in the end.

I have mentioned before I was young when I had K. My social life and money seemed to come first. We went out quite a bit, and even though B makes PLENTY of money to support us, I decided we needed bigger and better- which meant me working also. I regret this with ever fiber of my being. Life moves by way too fast and you are never guaranteed tomorrow- so why waste it on material things and friendships not promised to last? I went through every weekday feeling empty. Wake up, drop off K, go to work, come home, make dinner, put K to bed, go to bed, start over. My weekends were spent hanging out with "friends". I wasn't easy to trust, and I trusted people I shouldn't have. I was miserable. It was so hard to let all of that go. I am a creature of habit and I get easily attached to people. I knew, however, I couldn't keep going on that way. The best thing I could have ever done for myself, and our family, is become a stay at home mom. Once I did that, everything else just kind of started falling into place.

I realize that this life isn't for everyone. The point of this post isn't to tell everyone how spoiled I am and how you are all doing it wrong. This is just what was right for me. The point of this post is to share my growth and to prove that when you do what you feel is best, things usually fall into place.

As the next couple of years went on Brett changed jobs, we met new people, we lost old friends, and I started growing even more. The people in my life now, I can truly say, are put there for a reason. Each and every one of them has a major impact on my life from day to day. I have so much to learn from them and I feel as if they can learn from me. Most of us are trying to create the same life style and trying to become better people. It is so nice to have people in my life that I feel I can grow with- not just people that I can go out and drink with on the weekends.

It's crazy to me to think about how much I have changed. I have gone from doing just enough to get by, to going above and beyond. I am always trying to think of ways to better our family, to save money, to do things better. That is SO not me.... for those of you that know me you know this! :) I have gone from being that teenager that had the messiest room and never cleaned her bathroom, to being that OCD woman that can't stand things dirty or laying around. I have gone from that person that hated being in the kitchen to the woman that finds reasons to be in the kitchen because I love it so much.


I can proudly say I am so happy to be where I am today. I am finally happy WITH MYSELF! This is helping me be happier in my relationship with my husband, son, and friends. Life is good. I'm so glad I followed what I thought was best and kept following through- even though that wasn't always what was easy. No matter how much I look back at my past and cringe, it has made me who I am.

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